I suddenly missed my late grandpa.
I was thinking of him.
I'll tell you the story on how I was too late to see him for the last time.

Since February last year,
my grandpa has been in & out of the hospital.
I wasn't very sure what his illness was,
but it was really painful to see my beloved grandpa,
weak and asleep always on the hospital bed.
He needed help to chew his food,
& there was one point, he only took liquid food.
To watch him struggle to lift himself to sit wasn't a very comforting thought.
So, I did as I was told, sit in the waiting room with all my other cousins.
It was really unbearable to think what would happen the next day.
I didn't want to lose him.
One day, the doctor told us that we have to be prepared for the worst.
But I didn't.
I held on to that one tiny bit of hope in my heart.
I kept thinking that everything will be okay.
But my grandpa's condition worsen by the day,
I was coping with the new school environment,
so my mind became very occupied.
I didn't know why I didn't bother to visit my grandpa after school.
How stupid.
I really loved him.
But I really couldn't bear watching him slipped away.
My mum, being the caring person that she was,
visited him every single day.
February past and the March holidays came.
On the 13th of March, I went to the library,
only to rush back home again after my father called and said that my grandpa's condition is worst than ever.
I kept twisting my fingers around my jacket,
convincing myself that nothing was wrong.
When I finally reached his ward,
& upon seeing the room filled with family members crying,
I knew,
I just knew.
I broke down.
Lost control.
Realized that I was late,
too late.
I didn't get to see him one last time.
At the funeral,
before they covered my grandpa's face one last time,
I cried, while kissing his cheek one last time.
I have to accept that my late grandpa, has finally moved on.

Atuk, I miss you.